Friday, February 10, 2006

Conversations with asleep people

Some people talk out loud in their sleep; there you are, dreaming that you're about to miss the bus to school to sit a very important exam in the nude, when your bedmate suddenly starts talking geekspeak at the top of his voice. It's really quite distracting.

But the boy goes even further.

Sometimes Baby wakes up and cries in the middle of the night, and she can't possibly be hungry. So I turn to the boy and ask him nicely to PLEASE WAKE UP AND GO SETTLE THE BABY! The boy then sits up, throws off the duvet and pats my thigh, saying in his most soothing voice, "Hush hush sweetie, it's sleep time". So I tell him that Baby isn't even in the room with us, and he replies "It's okay 'cos I'm smiling".

That's when I realise he's talking in his sleep.

Last night at around 1am, Baby woke up and cried, in just the same way as I've just described. I woke the boy up etc etc. He said she was fine. I asked whether he was talking in his sleep again. He said, "Not as far as I know, no".

But yes, he WAS talking in his sleep. Again.

Every time this happens I get really annoyed because it means I've got to go and try to settle Baby without feeding her. But I can't exactly punish the poor guy, because he doesn't even know he's doing it. I should at least be grateful he isn't one of those people who walk out of their homes, pick up strangers and have sex with them, all whilst still asleep (I've heard of it).

Or maybe he's just pretending.


Nigel Patel said...

There are Sleep Schtuppers?
First arguement with my old ex: I picked up a ringing phone sound asleep. Maybe even talked on it. When I woke up and she wanted to know who it was. Twelve years later I still don't know.

onscreen said...

Duct Tape.

To stop the boy from talking in his sleep duct tape his mouth shut (make sure you leave his nose uncovered or he may never wake up) and then both you and baby can sleep :-)

Mike said...

Is this a strategy along the lines of "Hey, I'll do the washing up!" after the first flat sharing meal and then drop at least 3 items of crockery with a, "Oops, that grip still sahn't got any better!" hoping for a, "Nah, that's OK mate, you just leave it to us" when the offer is made a second time.

Or am I just jealous that I hadn't thought of it?!?!?

happyandblue2 said...

Ha,ha,ha..that's the oldest guy trick in the book..

EB said...

You know, I found this quite funny but only on the outside I hasten to add. Does he continue in the same vein when you turn on the light?

The Editter said...

I wondered if you were going to blog about this habit of his. Cos, for readers' enlightenment, when I last saw Violet and she started telling me about the thigh-patting incident, the boy said he'd prefer she blogged about it than told people in front of him!

Violet said...

nigel: that's make a good story. I wonder what the person on the other end of the line thought about it!

onscreen: ha! It's not the talking per se, it's the fact that he's not properly awake and therefore no use to me.

mike: maybe you should try it ;-)

happyandblue2: I read somewhere that a certain (fairly high) percentage of dads pretend to be asleep when their baby cries in the night, thereby forcing the mums to get up instead...with ensuing divorces once the jig is up...

eb: I don't turn the light on 'cos that'd be too nasty for me. I might try it one day though.

editter: It's more fun though when I can see his embarrassment while I tell the story.