Don't let this question put you off having kids (if you don't already have some)

This is the kind of query you probably don't see in your average Woman's Weekly magazine...

Dear Domestic Goddess,

I just wanna know - what can I do to TLM's laundry to stop it from smelling like it's been soaking in a bucketload of poo for a week (because it kinda has)?

Yours faithfully,
Violet

at tether-end

I've tried not to go on about it, and I think mostly I've succeeded, but I'm just gonna post about it one more time. I am so frustrated with TLM's lack of progress on the toilet training front. She's three, dammit, and supposed to be a bright-spark. So if she still isn't trying to get her doo-dads in the toilet or potty by now, she must be doing it in her pants simply to piss me off. It's been almost a year since that hopeful day when she squirmed to get out of her high chair 'cos she wanted to do a big-girl (poo in the potty). I find it hard to believe she just hasn't "got it" yet.

There can only be one reason why she's not all sorted - we must be trying too hard.

I just never learn...

I should have learned by now, that allowing unrestricted access to kiwifruit, to a child who hasn't quite got her bowels under control, is not the wisest of choices.

But, by the gods, I'll make sure to keep those hairy little poo-looseners under strict ration from now on.

I jumped with joy...

Today TLM managed to poo in her potty twice, and did not poo anywhere inappropriate all day. She was rewarded with a bowl of ice cream each time. Normally, if the desired poo-thang happens, then it seems to be just a coincidence. This afternoon was the first time that she announced her impending poo and willingly deposited it in the right place.

While there is every likelihood of her backtracking once her routine becomes disrupted (i.e. with the changes in childcare arrangements), this is a major toilet-training milestone for me.

I'm on a roll

1. I have an interview with the tech writing folks on Monday - a real one, not just a meet'n'greet.
2. The boy is taking Monday off to get his car serviced, so I have no childcare worries for the day.
3. My 7-year-old nephew has read my Rice story and likes it.
   
4. My sister-out-law offered to pass the story on to a teacher friend, to have it previewed by a group of 8-year-old readers.
5. Just for once, I saw TLM scamper toward the toilet shouting "I need a wee" - completely on her own initiative - and she hadn't even had a warning mini-accident beforehand.
   

Another one of those cute toddler things

Just before the boy took TLM off to the zoo yesterday afternoon, he and I had a tiff; I wanted him to take the toddler toilet seat with him so she'd have the chance to do her business in the zoo loos if she wanted, he didn't want to bother. I won, but it was a victory that had me feel bad about forcing him to succumb to my wishes.

So I txted him an apology, and he replied that he had a super-cute TLM story. And when they returned home, he told me all about it.

Apparently, when they were at the tiger enclosure, one of the inmates did a huge tiger wee just a few feet away from where they were standing. TLM pointed this out to him, and then proceeded to tell the tiger off for not using a potty. Then she turned to her daddy and said that the tiger must not be a grow-mope (i.e. grown-up).

It's all in the underpants

Yesterday afternoon, I tried out a pair of training pants on TLM. She didn't seem to object, and it was great not having to worry about finding unexpected puddles on the furniture. But once she took them off for a toilet break, she refused to put them back on again. She absolutely insisted on wearing her big-girl Dora underpants. Fortunately, this coincided with a pleasantly surprising leap in her toilet-training progress; she is now much less resistant to using the potty. She has even started actually using it.

At first, I thought "Geez, she must dislike those training pants so much, that she'd rather use the potty". But I remembered that a couple of her daycare friends have recently started wearing big-girl undies. So I guess it's peer pressure I have to thank.

Another thing that's keeping my wee-worries at bay, is that I've placed a super-thick, furry throw on one of the sofas; something nice and absorbant.

I'll be taking the other 3 pairs of training pants back to the shop. I hope they stock Thomas the Tank Engine undies...

I know it's way early in the experiment, but in hindsight I think I should have used training pants from the start, and only used pull-ups for outings.

Relax

When I asked TLM the other day whether she wanted to wear knickers or disposable pull-ups, she said "pull-ups". And I can't blame her, really. In the latter, she can pretty much do what she likes without me getting upset about getting wees on the sofa or poos on my foot (that's another story). The pull-ups are so efficient at holding everything in, that I can relax too. And if I'm relaxed, she's relaxed.

But I don't want to put her in pull-ups all the time - they're relatively expensive and are probably not helping TLM to toilet-train. On the other hand, if I put her in knickers, I end up following her around all afternoon with a towel, anxiously peering at the area around her bum (we have carpet and our sofas are upholstered in fabric).

So today I went and bought some Bright Bots training pants. They're washable (hence, eco-friendly), inexpensive, and should keep small amounts of wees in while at the same time allow her to feel what it's like to have wet pants. Hopefully, in these, she can learn without being confined to playing in the skin-cancerous outdoors, and I don't have to follow her around with a double layer of protective cloth.

I guess this might be one reason that camping is a good holiday option for small children.

Fear

Well, TLM's little bath-wee escapade has turned into a major bath phobia. While she is still enthusiastic about playing with water, she no longer wants anything to do with being in it. Last night's bath was ruined by hysteria and panic on TLM's part; this morning's outdoor water play was done with all the toys in the tub, and TLM's body outside the tub.

Truly, toilet-training is the new sleep-training.

You're soaking in it *

After yesterday morning, I became convinced that The Little Madam was actively "holding on" whenever I sat her on the potty, and saving her poos and wees for when she was off it. That thought happened right after she fought her way off the potty, only to deposit a poo as big as one of Obelix's menhirs, into her pull-up, about 5 seconds later.

So I decided that she had a lot more bowel and bladder control than I'd previously thought. The obvious answer was to put her in big girl underpants and see what happened.

What happened, was that she went through 5 pairs of undies in about 1 1/2 hours. And every single time, I accidentally stepping into her puddle. After that, I ran out of knickers and put her in a nappy, and washed my feet. And then I had a wee lie-down on the sofa (luckily the boy was home by then).

* a reference to an old, old television advertisement for Palmolive dish detergent, supposedly so mild it was good for your hands. Yeah, right.

Potty training on the move

Now I know why they say that you should stay at home for potty training. I am so over carrying either the potty or the toddler loo-seat with me every time I take TLM out for more than a couple of hours (which I do to give her frequent opportunities to win a jelly snake or dinosaur). Most of the time when we're out, she is happy to sit on it, but she never ever does anything while she's there. Performance anxiety, maybe.

Understandably perhaps, she really hates sitting on public toilets, even those that are kept extra-clean and tidy for the tourists. I suppose I ought to be grateful that she seems to save up her poos for when we get home. Anyway, next week she starts back at daycare and I'm expecting she'll be just the same there - happy to sit on the potty (especially if she's allowed to snack at the same time, which is another issue to be dealt with further down the track), but will probably wee in her pull-ups and save her poos for home.

Now, I hope that wasn't Too Much Information for you.

It's a good job those things are solid

Today seems to be the day of the bouncing poo. Like, when TLM gets up off the potty too soon, or doesn't quite tell me in time, and I resort to plucking those little brownies off the rug before they leave an undying legacy.

All I can say is, if she was having squishy number twos, this post would've been written in an entirely different tone.

Jelly snakes

Every time TLM manages to deposit something appropriate into her potty, she gets a jelly snake.

The thing about introducing TLM to rewards like jelly snakes, is that she likes 'em so much she'll demand them any old time of day, potty deposit or not. But you gotta stand firm with the rewards scheme, or it won't work. So you have to put up with frequent calls for "Snaaaaake!".

Her record so far, is two jelly snakes in one day. But perhaps she ought to get two jelly snakes if she saves up an almighty poo, and puts it in the potty in a timely manner. Because that's a pretty major feat, really. I just hope her teeth don't suffer too much from all the extra sugar.

Oh, and if I don't blog before the big day, Merry Christmas.