Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Second-baby jealousy

Yesterday I found an email in my junk mail folder, that turned out to be a message from an old friend with whom I thought I'd lost contact. It was an announcement that he and his partner had just become second-time parents.

Now, the last time I saw my friend, his other half was about 6 months pregnant with their first child and I was still in my keeping-it-secret first trimester with The Little Madam. So that makes their first-born about 18 months old. Which means that second-born was conceived when first-born was only 9 months old.

But I didn't tell you that in order to make any judgements about having 2 kids so close together. I don't have any opinion on the matter.

I mention it because it makes me a little jealous. If she was so keen to have a second baby so soon, then surely the previous 9 months of baby-raising must've been a total piece of cake, without the months of sleep-deprivation and rocking the baby to sleep for three hours every night. They must've had an easy time of it, to feel confident about doing it all again already. And that's what I'm jealous about.

13 comments:

Ms Mac said...

Or, she believed somebody who told her that if you're breastfeeding you can't get pregnant.

Ms Mac said...

Oh, I should add that usually it's a lot easier to go from one baby to two than from no babies to one.

happy and blue 2 said...

Maybe she just wants to get it over with, ha,ha..

Ella said...

I got pregnant again when my first was seven months old and it definitely wasn't because I found it easy. I loved it, but it was very hard. And, ms mac is right, second one is easier.

Angela said...

I think the easy babys are still lots of work. My son has been a very easy baby, but I still think he was lots of work. By easy I mean slept well, did not cry much, happy most all of the time, and easy to please. I am lucky I am sure my next child will be much different.

The Skirt said...

Or maybe they wanted to get the hard stuff over quicker?

Violet said...

"she believed somebody who told her that if you're breastfeeding you can't get pregnant" - I hadn't thought of that!

What I'm afraid of is that if I tried to "get it over with" by having a second one despite how hard I've found having just the one, it'd turn me into a physical and emotional wreck. And what if the second turned out to be a poor sleeper AND colicky or allergic?

Women who'll have two or more kids, and don't go crazy, deserve nothing less than complete admiration.

Make Tea Not War said...

Well if its any consolation I had an easy baby (now 3) and I still feel far too exhausted and frazzled to contemplate another.

I do feel left out with nearly everyone I know having a second and also jealous that they even have the energy to go through it again when I know I just don't. But you have to know yourself & your limits and what is important to you- and I'd rather cope and even mostly enjoy motherhood as a mother of one than not cope as the mother of more.

Avery's mom said...

I was 3 months along with Avery when I mistakenly got pregnant again. I guesss it was the sleep deprivation and brain constipation that kept us from thinking of using contraception. Not planned in any way, and dont simply asume that these people planned it because it was easy on them. we can all fatisize but really....who ever heard of having it easy with a first time baby?

Michael C said...

I've got friends who are beginning the second go around and I am jealous. granted, with the twins we got a 2 for 1 special, but I'd still like at least one more

Violet said...

avery's mom: yeah I shouldn't believe everything that people tell in in mothers's groups eh?

michael c: whoa! you've got twins and it hasn't stopped you from wanting another? You guys must be doing a good job!

Mandy said...

Let's not forget that with each baby we produce, the poorer our children get.

It's much easier to put one child through college than two, and so on.

Besides, there are plenty of children who don't have any parents.

We had one child, and adopted another. We're sticking with just the two. we can't afford to put three through school, and there's no sense in having children if you're going to condemn them to a life of ignorance and poverty.

Violet said...

mandy: you're quite right, of course :-)