When it comes to sunshine and tanning, I have a problem that is different to most peoples'.
Some people worry about the risk of skin cancer. Other people fret that they can only choose between two skin colours - pink or white. I worry about looking like an easy jigsaw puzzle.
See, my arms are almost black; my upper legs and torso are that sallow-white that you see on Chinese folk who truly shun the sun; my face and lower legs are something in between; my shoulders are off-sallow-white.
This is fine if I'm showing just my arms, or just my legs.
But I don't see myself swanning around in a bathing suit any time soon. Creeping would be more like it.