Tuesday, April 22, 2008

On being a kept woman

At the risk of getting into trouble with the boy, I'm going to post this mini-rant about why it'll be a good thing for me to start earning money again.

Even though he has never actually refused to hand over money to me, I can always perceive a reluctance to do so. It makes me feel as though I'm asking him to pay for designer shoes, cosmetic surgery and spouse-less trips to Paris. Well, I'm not; it's all for Bills (apart from the recent work-clothes splurge, which I think of as more of an investment in my career).

Even though most of my pay will go towards childcare, I can safely predict that most of what's left will go towards the dreaded Bills. And then I can cut back on the asking-for-money process, which always leaves me a bit tense.

It also means I can syphon a bit off into a separate savings account, in case I need to buy another pair of shoes in future.


Nigel Patel said...

Back when I lived with ST for 8 years she would handle the money including writing out the checks and I would just sign ank mail them.
Left me a bit lost after the split.
But I did handle it. And for the next four years I actually did pay the bills.

Violet said...

I think bill-paying ought to be done by both parties, so neither can claim ignorance to how much money they're spending.

Make Tea Not War said...

We've got a joint account which all our pay goes into and all our bills and savings for holidays etc go out of. I'm far too much of a control freak and also the child of a frugal Scottish upbringing to not keep that stuff under constant surveillance. Then we both get a set allowance from the joint money which is individual mad money which goes into our individual accounts for clothes etc and I don't enquire how my spouse spends his. It works quite well for us.

My mother always told me that every woman should have her own income and her own bank account. Not as a feminist issue exactly but more as a survival issue so if you need to leave, you can. I saw some horrifying statistics about the number of women who end up living in poverty in their old age awhile back and now I'm also of the view that every woman should have her own retirement savings.

Violet said...

mtnw: in our case, it would be easier to have a joint account in which both incomes go into, but yeah - I reckon it's his sanity money he's missing. You mum is very wise; it's always been my belief too.

sas said...

Living with someone is an emotional and also financial investment - not particularly romantic but true. Just try pulling apart a relationship and the dosh soon pops up.

Sharing is good. And I like the idea of percentage contributions for joint income (your spends and your bills contirbutions are percentage of income - then its fair).

Havign said this, I don't have kids so I have no idea how this might work. Having always earned my own money I think I would struggle to be without income...

Miss Philipa Bean said...

I'm with Sas on the percentage approach to bill-paying; it's such a fair system. There does come a point in a relationship, though, where the bean-counting gets deflating. Nobody likes numbering the Tim Tams and arguing over whose turn it is to buy the milk.
Keep writing and selling your stories, girl! And squirrel the money away. Nothing like a high-interest savings account as a cute hobby, alongside blogging.

Violet said...

sas: unfortunately, the boy is a bit of a romantic and therefore shuns all structured forms of funds-sharing. It's like, he doesn't want to know the details - an embezzler's dream, really.

ms pip: I've love to sell my stories. I'll probably be ready for granny slipper before I make my first sale, though :-)

Angela said...

yes the special stash is good to have

You know for a rainy work day