Friday, June 16, 2006

Conditions

I'd have to be totally off my rocker to want another baby, right?

It's different for the boy, because he doesn't have to incubate for nine months and forego deli food in all that time. He won't be getting up to feed a newborn every 2 or 3 hours. He won't be spending all day feeding, settling or changing a baby. And he certainly won't be the one doing this with a toddler to entertain and care for.

So why am I even considering having a second child?

Mostly, it's because it would be nice for Baby to have a sibling. Without a sibling to fight with Baby won't have as much opportunity to practice self defense (or offense). Without a sibling, Baby won't get to learn to share toys and love until she gets to preschool.

There's also my age. At forty-cough, I haven't the luxury of raising a single chile for a few years (and thereby completely forgetting the horrible bits) before deciding that it would be nice to have another baby.

And, now that Baby has started to sleep fairly well (and without any change in behaviour from us, her parents), I'm already starting to forget how horrible it was to survive on 2-hour blocks of sleep for nine months (or is that just because my memory is so poor?).

So I've been thinking about what would have to happen in order for me to want another baby:

- We'd need to move to a bigger, more child-friendly house. This means that the boy would have to agree to actively search for a new home and be prepared to take on a mortgage. Previously, my suggestion that we move has always been met with an "Okay" but no actual action.

- We'd have to think about how we can do a better job second time around, regarding putting the baby on some sort of routine and consciously putting the baby to bed awake. We have to do everything we can to avoid another feed-all-night hell.

- The boy would have to consent to hiring a nanny or home help, at least for the especially hectic times.

- The boy would have to agree to make a whole lot more effort in bottle training the baby, so that I could sometimes have a few hours' sleep and leave feeding in his hands.

I'm sure I'll think of more.

14 comments:

The Editter said...

And you'll have to come up with another moniker for the other baby for your blog.

Ooh, with luck we can be SAHMs together!!!

Avery's mom said...

I'm 6months along with a 9month old baby....this pregnancy isnt nearly as uncomfortable as it felt the first time. I think, I'm still use to the swollen uncomfortable feeling so the adjustment to being prego agagin doesnt feel quite so rotten. of course i still have those last few months to go through and I'm sure it's going to get depressing with no more sleep but once again, I'm still prepped for it. I havent slept through a night solid in over a year now....dont remember how, not so bad I think.
I'm getting my kids done now and theyll be close in age to enjoy growing together in life. I think its wonderful but then , I've totally forgotten what life was before any kids.

onscreen said...

Totally off yor rocker? Nah. I though my wife was totally off her rocker for wanting more than one, but not anymore.

Make Tea Not War said...

Ummm...yes :)... I think you are a bit off your rocker but understandably so- 9-10 months old is quite an adorable age which lasts up till about maybe 14 months or so when the first "NO!" is heard in your formerly relatively peaceful house. And then all hell breaks loose... Well that has been my experience anyway. And I am just far too tired to even contemplate the thought of through another tantrummy toddler phase with a second child. Even though I love my feisty rambunctious little girl with all my heart one is enough for me.

EB said...

The conditions sound fair enough. I often think one is enough at the moment. At other times I wish I had triplets already.

Beth said...

I get so broody all the time. If it was up to me we'd have another baby as soon as possible, but unfortunately we just can't afford it. My conditions have to governed by financial stability I guess. We have to buy a house first, I have to be in my new job for a year from September to qualify for maternity pay and DH has to sort out a pay rise at work. I've also decided that I never want to be overweight and prenant again as it was hellish, so my own persnal condition is that I get down to under 170 lbs before getting pregnant again. I'm only just 26, so not to worried about the age thing. Violet - I never knew you were in your 40s. You write/post like a hip young thing! I have a friend who is 41 and currently trying to get pregnant (on their third IVF attempt) with their first child.

Juliabohemian said...

Why don't you sit down and write out the pros and cons for this idea. Make a list of goals or things that would need to be accomplished before it could happen and you and your husband can decide if it is realistic or not.

Jon said...

I'm an only child, and just think, Baby could turn out like me! Did I just hear a door slam and a car start? ^_^

Violet said...

editter: oh, that's easy. She'd be Baby Too. We could do coffee mornings together and I could give you sage advice about how your bubs is doing :-)

avery's mom: You sound like a really confident, positive mum, which must be a real help when you're already expecting your second. I'm not so much like that and I suppose that's why I'm tending to focus on how hard it might be having two kids so close together.

onscreen: I bet it's easier to be a father of two than a mother of two though ;-)

mtnw: yes, you've just reminded me of just how little logic has to do with the decision to have kids in the first place...

eb: and to think of mums in olden days who had to bring up six children in a 2-bedroom house, with no car and a single labourer's income, eh?

beth: because you're young, you can afford to wait until you're both much more financially secure because you have a second child. I think we were really lucky that I got pregnant so soon after trying - it took about 5 months and I was already 40.

juliabohemian: well, that's what I'm doing!

jon: you could be right. Baby, sibling-less, could turn out to be a stylish, creative woman with exacting tastes in clothing, food and music. It doesn't sound too bad at all.

Kazzer said...

Geez Violet - wait until Baby starts to walk and talk. You may well come to your senses then.
Mind you, she is rather lovely and it would be nice to see if you could do it again.....

Nyx said...

I went through the exact same reasons as you did in deciding if to have another baby. In the end it was the simple fact that I came from a big family and siblings are loads of fun - end of story. There are 20 months between my two which is quite nice.

And after all this time I can definitely say that having two was the best thing to do.

Violet said...

kazzer: I come to my senses every time I get a wake-up call at some ungodly hour ;-)

nyx: But you're young and not so easily crushed by sleeplessness, right?

ConflagrAsian said...

You're an Asian woman right? How's the predicament for Asian men down there in your part of the world?
I'm in Queens, NYC, so, naturally, being an Asian male, I cannot manuever w/ females.

Violet said...

conflagrasian: a strange question for a woman pondering the question of a second child, but here goes - Asian guys hooking up with non-Asian women is not unheard of, but I think the reverse is much more common. I guess it's universal, eh?