Monday, September 08, 2008

at tether-end

I've tried not to go on about it, and I think mostly I've succeeded, but I'm just gonna post about it one more time. I am so frustrated with TLM's lack of progress on the toilet training front. She's three, dammit, and supposed to be a bright-spark. So if she still isn't trying to get her doo-dads in the toilet or potty by now, she must be doing it in her pants simply to piss me off. It's been almost a year since that hopeful day when she squirmed to get out of her high chair 'cos she wanted to do a big-girl (poo in the potty). I find it hard to believe she just hasn't "got it" yet.

There can only be one reason why she's not all sorted - we must be trying too hard.

8 comments:

Single Parent Dad said...

I agree.

And may I be the first to type the ever-so annoying phrase.

'She'll do it when she's ready."

Well of course she will, what a daft thing to say.

The most frustrating part of parenting for me by a mile.

May the the force be with you.

Make Tea Not War said...

You have my utmost sympathy. We went through exactly the same thing & I found it extremely frustrating. What worked for us in the end was just backing right off for awhile- a couple of month I think it was- and trying again later when it was no longer such a battle of wills. It also helped that DOTH suddenly got really really interested in the teletubbie toys at her childcare and I promised her I'd get them for her at home if she got her toilet training sorted. When something that she really wanted was at stake she suddenly got a lot more motivated & even though I ended up individually having to get them second hand on Trade Me including going all the way out to Upper Hutt one time to pick one up because I couldn't find them anywhere new in the shops- it was worth it. The other thing which was a slight consolation was once she'd really got on board with the idea of toilet training it went very fast and we didn't have any struggle getting her to give up night nappies and we've never had a single night time accident (touch wood). One thing you might find also is that as her friends at childcare get trained she'll get more interested in it.

Violet said...

single parent dad: hopefully it'll be before she'd old enough to wash her own pooey knickers...

mtnw: so when you backed off for 2 months, did yo put DOTH back into nappies, or just put up with the messes ( though from what I recall, DOTH merely waited till she had a nappy on, rather than messing up her knickers)?

Make Tea Not War said...

We put her back in nappies- we asked her if that was what she wanted and she said yes- and just dropped the subject all together. That took the pressure off her and quite importantly off me. I really needed a break from putting up with the messes as much as anything as although I'm generally quite patient and calm the messes were driving me close to the edge as she knew very well when she needed to go but would just refuse to go in the toilet sometimes even laughing about doing it on the carpet. This was my fault ultimately as I had allowed it to degenerate into a battle of wills & she is a strong willed child. When we came back to it we were both much calmer & no longer angry at each other & with the right incentive her will worked in favour of her learning fast.

Make Tea Not War said...

Also, just to reiterate what I'm sure everybody is telling you. She will learn. Both DOTH and her best friend at childcare fought the process hard and his mother and I were at our wits end & it felt like it went on forever but DOTH was completely out of nappies at 3 and a half and he was before he was 4. It's all a distant memory now.

Angela said...

Well we are in sort of the same boat.
I have given up until he turns three and then try again.

Good luck I need some too

Ali-Belly said...

Don't feel too bad, Violet!! If it's any comfort, Hannah was still pooing her pants and peeing in the bath when she was four and I was despairing that she would still be in naps at school!! To make matters worse, when the child was 5 or 6, she would wake up in the mornings and WILFULLY piddle in her bed, because "it was too cold to get up." Satan spawn, inDEED!

Hope that makes you feel better! :S

Violet said...

mtnw: hmm...I asked TLM whether I should put her back in nappies and of course she said "no!". I guess she wants the best of both worlds - big girl knickers and little girl irresponsible pooing. At least she's not laughing at me while she messes, I suppose! I had hoped that she'd be encouraged by the bigger kids at daycare who are already toilet trained - but all that's happened is that she's learned a couple of bad habits, like not flushing the toilet and not washing her hands after!

angela: But your Gregory is so sweet, I doubt he'd ever poo in his pants just to annoy you :-) Good luck to you too, then.

ali-belli: Geez, it sounds like young kids can have a pretty wicked sense of humour eh! While it does make me feel better, it also means that TLM could be up to the same tricks in a year or more's time...