Overnight, just like that, I developed a tender lump on one side of my neck. The first morning, all my joints ached as well so I knew I was genuinely ill and I hadn't sleepwalked to a bar and got into a fight with the bouncer.
I spent most of that day huddled on the sofa with a duvet, a high temperature and Season 4 of the Gilmore girls.
Today I've been more conscious and my joints aren't aching any more. But my head still hurts and my neck still looks and feels like it's trying to hatch an avocado. Not only that, but it seems to be spreading further around my head - not the face, thank gawd, but if my left ear gets any more swollen it's going to explode. It already looks like it was transplanted from a larger animal - perhaps a rugby-playing elf with a lifelong alchol problem.
The boy's mum is a retired nurse, and she reckons it's tonsillitus. I always thought my tonsils were down the back of my throat, but then, I've always associated tonsils with ice cream so what do I know?