Monday, May 23, 2005

Ten things I've never done

Draic has invited me to take up the Ten things I've never done baton. Since I'm incapacitated with the snottiest cold I've had for quite a while, and I'm not likely to be doing anything exciting instead, I may as well run with it.

1. I've never watch a live rock concert from the shoulders of a boyfriend. This is kind of unfortunate, because I'm only five feet tall and fate always puts tall people with afros in front of me at concerts. That's why, when I went to see Prince in Edinburgh, I didn't actually get to see him.

2. I've never broken a bone, although I have suffered ankle sprains (from aerobics), severe bruising (from playing cricket) and knee problems (from playing Ultimate). If you've ever watched the tv show Kath and Kim, then you'll know what I mean when I say that this makes me sound worryingly like Sharon.

3. I've never been married. I do, very occassionally, give the boy a hard time about the fact that he still hasn't made any moves toward rectifying the situation; with a baby on the way though, it's hardly good timing for an ultimatum.

4. I've never been rollerblading. But I have been rollerskating, and managed not to sprain anything. I figure that I'm too old for learning skills which require balance, after unsuccessfully trying to learn to ride a pushbike at the age of twenty.

5. I've never bungy-jumped. Not that I'm scared of heights, but I am scared of my eyeballs popping out on the rebound.

6. I've never belly-danced in public. I was quite happy to dance at the classes (in my tracksuit pants), but when we had our end of year party at a local Turkish restaurant, I was one of the very few who didn't turn up with a spangly bra and shake my booty in front of strangers.

7. I've never seen myself on television. However, I have been caught onscreen during a news segment about student unemployment. I did wonder why there were so many bright lamps on in front of the job notices. Anyway, I do not have a television face, so I'm grateful I never saw myself - the pysychological damage would have required years of therapy.

8. I have never been mugged. When I was in Africa I kept meeting backpackers who'd been mugged in Johannesburg. By the time I got there myself, I was so paranoid I refused to leave the hostel after dark unless it was as part of a group. Well, that worked.

9. I have never given blood. The only time I tried to, I was refused because I was underweight (that was certainly a silver lining in the cloud!). Then I put on weight and couldn't give blood because I was always on medication for hayfever or something else. Now I can't give blood because I was in the UK during the Mad Cow years.

10. I have never been to a male strip revue. Somehow the hens nights I've been to weren't that kind of hens night. But I have had a male stripper at my birthday once. That was probably enough.


Kazzer said...

Violet - forget the rest, just take up rollerblading (after the baby is born of course). You can come out round the harbour with me and Taffy and then we wouldn't be the oldest bladers in town any more!

Violet said...

Gee thanks, but I don't relish trying to breastfeed while I've got bloodied knees and palms from all those falls I'm likely to have.

Jon said...

Strippers are odd- a friend took me to some male gay strip club one and I was quite embarassed- then, the guy who was giving me a lap dance was some guy from one of my college classes, which made it even more awkward!

Bungee jumping is something I could never do- I'm just too afraid of heights. I'll stick to rollercoasters, though it's not the same thing, I'm sure.

flying kiwi said...

Of your 10 things there are only 4 I haven't done. I almost combined two by twisting my ankle at a Manpower Australia show - but I didn't break it.

So maybe you need to get married on rollerblades, having been to a male strip revue for the hen's night, of course, and have your wedding televised on Weddings and then go bungee jumping on your honeymoon.

Violet said...

jon: I can imagine it must've been awkward! Did the lapdancer recognise you ?
I can't handle rollercoasters or anything else that makes me motion-sick. I'd be a cheap amusement park date.

flying kiwi: did you twist your ankle whilst attempting to clamber onto the stage and grab a stripper's goolies?

Nigel Patel said...

I was at a Ted Nugent show, don't ask, and saw a chick in a skirt on some guy's shoulders. No man behind them was watching the stage.

Does Mad Cow get into the bloodstream?

Violet said...

Is Ted Nugent still alive? He's been around for donkey's years.

I bet the girl in the skirt knew just what effect she was having on the men behind her, too.

flying kiwi said...

Violet, how could you possibly think that of me... oh wait, you know me. But seriously, I was just dirty dancing with one of them after the show, as you do. And I was a little bit tipsy perhaps and so not very coordinated. OH! I've just spotted a trend I have with being drunk and having embarrassing accidents.

The Editter said...

perhaps, given flying kiwi's predilection, you should have an alcohol-free wedding Violet...

Nigel Patel said...

Yea, sadly the Nuge is still with us. On the upside he recently moved from Millford, Michigan to Crawford, Texas. Home of the "President".
I guess he couldn't handle livin' in a Blue State anymore.

Violet said...

flying kiwi: so he was fully clothed? I can imagine it'd be easier to dirty dance it he was still naked ;-)

Editter: no, I wouldn't do that. For one thing, the boy - the groom - wouldn't take very kindly to the lack of alcohol. For another thing, embarrassing incidents make for interesting wedding videos.

Nigel: I forgot to answer your previous question. Yes, apparently Mad Cow's disease gets in your blood. It also gets in your brain, but I think you knew that.

QC said...

From what I understand, Prince is about the same height, so I doubt very many other people saw him either.

5'1" here. I feel your pain.

Violet said...

Thats a good point, QC. I never thought of that.

Draic said...

Now there are some I didn't think of! I've been rollerblading, but I think that's the only one on your list that I've done. Mugging, no. Strippers, no. Sitting on my boyfriend's shoulders at a concert... I'll work out that one :-b
um, when you said you don't want your eyeballs popping out if you go bungee-jumping, you saying that with a particular incident in mind, were you? Cause that's (shudder) likely to turn me off even thinking about it.
Actually, I take back my earlier comment. I've seen myself on TV (horrible experience) and also belly-danced in public!

Violet said...

DraicL nah I wasn't thinking of any particular incident. But I have heard that something can happen to your eyeballs during a bungy jump. Something to do with the pressure on them. When did you bellydance in public? Was it more fun than seeing yourself on tv?